


Siamo l'inizio e la fine

by furiousflamewolf



Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Guilt, Hurt, Love, M/M, Post-Betrayal, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 04:28:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20482865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/furiousflamewolf/pseuds/furiousflamewolf
Summary: Once you cut down a tree it will never grow back the same. This also applies to trust.





	Siamo l'inizio e la fine

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Fragili, Club Dogo feat Arisa

A loud crash made Pierre sit up in bed abruptly. His eyes wide, his heart beating in his chest in fear. Instinctively he reached out next to him. The spot being ice cold and making his blood freeze in his veins. Squinting his eyes to see in the darkness Pierre swung his legs of the bed, thankful at the rug that lay in front of it. His feet not having to hit the cold floor immediately. The door to the bathroom was left ajar. The dim light filtering through it allowing Pierre to navigate through the room without bumping into anything, potentionally hurting himself. Thats not what he needed right now. 

Poking his head around the corner, Pierres heart shattered at the sight. Guilt swallowing down like a wave. Nico was sitting on the toilet lid. His eyes fixed on the floor. One hand balled into a tight fist. It wasn't shaking. The other hand was shaking slightly. Nico wiggling his fingers making the blood which was already flowing on to the tiles, drop into the small puddle beneath even faster. The elder one having his eyes closed. His whole body slumped forward. The uninjured hand came up to cover his face. Pierre had gripped the door like a lifeline. Standing in the shadows. Not daring to look up. 

This was his fault. Everything was his fault. If he would have just stuck to the plan everything would be ok now. Nico wouldn't have to suffer. He, himself would be ok. Now both of them were messes.

Everything was his fault. 

He had wanted to play alone. He wasn't good enough for Nico. He knew they had reached the ultimate goal. Had done what so few before them had reached. Still he felt like something was missing and of course there was also the age gap. That damned age gap that had given both of them headaches and unreasonable amounts of doubt throughout their relationship. Not on the court of course but privately.

Pierre knew exactly what Nico felt like everyday. What he went through every day. The fear that had taken hold of his heart and had chained it in. It was rational to think like that. If he were in Nicos position and their roles were reversed he would think the same. But he wasn't in Nicos position, he was on the other end. The better end. The easier end…

Sometimes Pierre wished that he wasn't as young as he was. Thats what he was young and with his age came recklessness. Cockiness. You do things without thinking them through and you end up hurting people you care about.

Pierre had never blamed anyone involved in the incident that had caused this rift between him and Nico. Despite both of them having talked about it. They had agreed to be ok. Had agreed to leave the past behind and move on from what had happened. To Pierre it seemed as if the rift was just widening every day. They weren't ok. They would never be ok. Not like in the beginning.

Once you cut down a tree it will never grow back up again the same. 

They had been the tree. Both of them together. Beautiful and majestic and in love. Then Pierre had decided to take an axe and just cut them down. Because he was young and reckless and he hadn't thought about Nicos feelings in all of this. When he had come to the realization, the full realization, of the damage he had really caused it had been too late. The tree had fallen. It had been cut down and it couldn't be mended anymore…

In the beginning when their little tree had just been a sapling everything was going well. Pierre had been shy at first. Nico his unshakable rock. Cheering on him and giving him so much confidence. Taking them to newer heights. As their relationship on the court progressed so did their relationship outside of it. Pierre being shy and young. Nico being patient and kind. They were dancing around eachother like two leaves shaken up by a gust of wind. Swirling in the air together. In their little bubble. It was just a matter of time before they would hit the ground. 

4 years. 

4 years of them just being together. On and off the court. Nico being ever so patient with him. Both of them just being in love with eachother. Everything was ok. They had a rocky start but who hadn't. And then they conquered the world together. Always pushing eachother to the max. The tree was growing. Strong. Healthy. Majestic. 

Then they were the kings of the world. The tree reaching it's full height. Such a beautiful tree. 

When Pierre decided to be like Icarus and ignore Nicos warning or rather request. He had seeked more. So much more. Things Nico couldn't give him. Nico was giving him everything he could despite being unsure about their personal relationship. Always being careful. But he had laid his heart out on a silver platter. Trusting Pierre to handle him with care. Which the younger one had done. Until he hadn't anymore. Until intentionally or not he had taken Nicos heart and had ripped it apart.

Pierre had flown to close to the sun and then he had fallen down. Alone. Realizing what grave mistake he had made. Leaving both of them hurting. Nico had welcomed him back. Good, loving, caring Nico. Pierre hadn't understood why. Surely the other must have been hurt. Pierre had just toyed with his trust. Had ripped his heart out. There was no way Nico had forgiven him so fast. Even though the older one had a heart of gold. 

If it would have been Pierre in Nicos shoes he wouldn't have known if he could have ever forgiven him. 

Of course Nico had asked for some time. It was a miracle he had taken him back given everything that had happened between them. Pierre knew it was his fault. He shouldn't have broken the agreement they had. Even if he had thought about it, he should have at least spoken to Nico first. But no his recklessness had gotten the better of him. Now they were left with shards to pick up and a cut tree. 

The innocence in their relationship gone. It wasn't easy. Not anymore. Before everything had been easy. Waking up next to Nico. Kissing him. Them playing together. As easy as breathing. Now it was like walking around a mine field. Pierre was afraid to upset the other. He had hurt him and it was his task to mend Nicos heart again. 

No one ever said that relationships were easy. Pierre had known about Nicos insecurities. His age above all else. The older one having the feeling that he couldn't give Pierre everything he deserved. He was too old. Pierre would get bored and walk out on him. Pierre had always assured him that he hadn't fallen in love with him because of their age gap. And now he had gone and done exactly that. That must surely be what Nico had thought. 

Still he had "welcomed" him with open arms. Kind of. They had talked. Pierre apologizing. Nico accepting. They had hugged eachother tight. Pierre promising not to do something like that anymore. Nico had patted his cheek. Kissed him briefly and then everything seemed to be ok. 

Right ??

Wrong.

A tree that has been cut down will never grow back the same. 

Like a tree, a relationship that had suffered a betrayal was also hard to mend again. Lack of trust being the main factor. Nico never talked about it. At first Pierre had thought everything was ok. Nico was behaving the same. Nothing had changed. They moved on like that. In hindsight Pierre was a horrible boyfriend for not noticing how Nico was suffering silently. On his own. This wasn't supposed to work like that. They were supposed to be a unit. On and off the court. 

He had destroyed everything with his little stunt and now they were left like a broken mirror. 

Pierre had been asleep when he had found Nico on the balcony, a little while after they had gotten back together. The curtain fluttering inside of the room obscuring Pierres view. At first the younger one had panicked. The other side of the bed had been cold. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Nico cover his face with his hand. It looked like his shoulders were shaking. Nico had acted like nothing had happened. Although Pierre had suspected that he wasn't as ok as he pretened to be. 

The older one had removed his hand from his face sighing. Gazing up in the stars as if they had the answers to his questions. His eyes glistening and Pierre suspected that he had cried. Guilt flooding his brain. He was pretty sure that he was the one responsible for the state Nico was in. Biting his lower lip Pierre dared to step out of the shadows. Nico not noticing. Not immediately, anyway. 

When Nico finally noticed Pierre in his field of vision, his face didn't change. His gaze flickering to the younger one for a second before focusing on the stars again. Pierre didn't dare to sit right next to the other one, so he choose the chair opposite to him. Both of them remaining silent for a while. The silence became unbearable and Pierre didn't dare to break it. Nico was avoiding his eyes. It was awkward and uncomfortable. Still Pierre remained silent. 

There was so much to say. So many unspoken words between them. Pierre knew an apology wouldn't cut it. Nico was hurting. He was suffering. Alone. With himself and his thoughts. It wasn't fair but what was fair anyway. Pierres heart was screaming to fix it. He didn't know how. 

He knew. They had to talk to eachother. Sometimes the most simple thing could become the most difficult task. Before it had been easy to talk to Nico. So easy. As easy as a cloud. Now there was also a cloud over their heads but it was heavy and dark. Pierre didn't want them to be dark. He wanted to see Nico smile again. Like before.

Nothing would ever be like before. Because he had fucked up.

"I am sorry Nicolas…"

Nico drew him a sharp breath. Pierre watching his face. The others eyes never leaving the ground. They remained silent. It was up to Nico to forgive him and if he didn't forgive him then Pierre would have to live with that. He was genuinely sorry, he just hoped that in the depths of his big golden heart Nico could find himself to forgive him too. 

After that they proceeded as always. Working like an oiled machine. Not a well oiled but an oiled machine. It was better than not working at all right ?? They laughed and smiled on the court. The days at home were different. A little bit anyway. It was like Nico was deflating like a balloon. They cuddled up on the couch together. Nico was still refusing to watch Star Wars, though. 

Pierre had thought that both of them needed time. Naturally. He knew he couldn't act like nothing had happened. 

To Nico it wasn't about the apology. He had forgiven Pierre. He knew that his boyfriend was young. He had seeked another opportunity. Something different. In the back of his head Nico had always known that he was expendable. He was old. There was nothing that he could ever truly offer Pierre. Still he didn't deny that the younger ones decision hadn't hurt him. It had hurt him. It had hurt him so much that Nico couldn't understand how much a human being could truly hurt. 

He had been a fool. It Pierre would have just told him before going behind his back. Nico would have set him free. Immediately. Like a bird. He would have opened the cage so Pierre could fly out into the world. Never would he have shackled the younger one down. They had always talked to eachother. Always. Now everything was broken. The majestic tree had fallen. In the back of his mind Nico knew that Pierre had regretted it. That he was also hurting. They loved eachother. His heart knew that but tell that to the rational part of his body, his brain.

Ones mind was a very cruel and dangerous place. The demon in the back of his mind whispering that he deserved everything that had happened. Pierres betrayal was bound to happen. There was no way he could have stopped it. Nico just wanted his head to shut up. Everyone deserved a second chance. They loved eachother. Well Nico loved Pierre. Was it the same on the others end ??

Pierre had treated him like a wounded animal since they had gotten back together. Rightfully so. Messy break up, messy get back together. It was a wonder they had functioned so well before. They had been careful around eachother. Nico was fed up with things being awkward between them. They had cuddled, Nico had convinced the younger one to start Star Wars. They managed to get to the second movie before Nicos eyes got heavy and his head lolled on to Pierres shoulder.

It was nice. Comforting. Familiar. Not as awkward anymore. It was almost like old times. Almost. The betrayal still hanging heavy in the air. Suffocating them. It had seemed that Pierre had recovered well. Better than Nico. He was young and full of life. Nico was old. Or rather thats what his head kept telling him anyway. They went to bed that night, the younger one dozing off quickly. Seemingly oblivious to Nicos struggle and his demons. 

Meanwhile the older one had stared at the ceiling. Breathing out loudly. Pierre had hidden his face in his neck. His breath tickling Nicos neck. As silent as a cat Nico got up and tiptoed to the bathroom. Leaving the door slightly ajar he sat on the toilet lid. His head in his head. It was pounding uncomfortably. His head throwing doubts at him. 

Fool. You are gonna get hurt again. Why are you doing this to yourself ?? Who says he won't hurt you again ?? Who ?? 

Nico shook his head. He wanted his mind to shut up. SHUT UP already. With a snarl that surprised even himself Nico whirled around. His fist connecting with the mirror. Shattering it into pieces. Blood seeping in between his knuckles and dripping onto the floor below with an ugly plop. It reminded Nico of the sink when Pierre wouldn't turn off the water properly. It would drive him mad. But this time Nico just sighed tiredly. 

His knees giving out with him landing on the toilet lid. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there. His uninjured hand covering his face. The door moved slightly, screeching into the room. Nico didn't move so Pierre had woken up. Who wouldn't have ?? Shattering a mirror surely was loud.

"Nico ??" Pierres voice sounded small and hurt. 

With tired eyes Nico removed his uninjured hand from his face and looked at his boyfriend who was clutching the door like a lifeline. A small sigh escaping his lips. Pierre moved. Grabbing a towel from the rack and gathering the injured hand in his. Kneeling down in front of the older one. 

"We have to go to the hospital Nico please."

Nico kept his face glued to his feet. Pierre nuzzling the side of his face like a cat. Breaking the ice. Nico allowing himself to rest. Breathe. His shoulders relaxing. The demons and his own cruel inner voice silenced. For now. He nodded and Pierre helped him up. Hugging him tight. A hand running through his short hair. 

"Je t'aime Nico."

Deep inside of his heart Nico knew that. Pierre had never meant to hurt him. Never. It was time his head understood that because his heart had already forgiven him the first second Pierre had shown up in front of his door, soaked like a puppy. 

They go to the hospital. Get the splinters removed. Drive back home and settle into bed again. Nico wouldn't be able to play a few games. He was fine otherwise. Pierre never asked him what was going on, which Nico was grateful for in the back of his mind he suspected that Pierre knew what was going on but he was respecting his privacy. 

Nico turned towards the younger who had his head on his chest. Right above his heart. 

"We are far from done. Lets us rise from the ashes like a phoenix."

Pierre laughed gently into his chest. Nico smiling against his head. It were these moments that made their love so beautiful. 

Their tree would grow again. It would never be the same tree they had started with but it was ok. Sometimes you had to cut one down in order for a new one to grow. 

A beautiful new majestic tree. They were far from done. This was just the beginning. 

A new beginning for both of them. Filled with renewed love and trust. 

Their tree was already growing.


End file.
